Week 17

Busy few weeks. School holidays have launched themselves upon us again, pitted directly against C’s busiest time of year. We’ve been trying a balancing act, working like mad for a few days/nights a week, then takinga few days off with the boys to go do fun stuff. Has worked pretty well – except the house looks like a troll has moved in and rampaged with this years dirty laundry.

Why is sorting the laundry always bottom of my to do pile?

have taken myself in hand this week, having finally - FINALLY – found a little energy. The sickness is still occurring when I’m tired, I still can’t face any dairy except really strong cheddar, I still can’t manage more than two well-spaced-out very strong small cups of tea a day. I’m expanding, but not a pretty bump way, just in a fat-girl-gets-fatter way.

Have purchased a Lateral thigh trainer. Swimming pool is just too far to realistically assume I’ll make it more than once a week at tops. A stepping machine in the playroom which I canuse every day for ten minutes is far more attainable. Am worried about my weight this time – more so than the cholestasis. Though am worried about that too.

But have so far pretty well avoided the pregnancy worry thing. I’m sure it’ll come!

Still not feeling many movements very often, so have to presume the placenta is growing nicely. Have our next scan the day the boys go back to school, so will need ot move it (note to self – get on and move it instead of moving the reminder post-it around the desk).

Boobs still expanding gracefully, a little tender, but looking magnificent!

There may be trouble...

ahe-e-e-ad… In the House of Mamafour.
Baby plum has a new need. Strong cheddar sandwiches for lunch are no longer enough, apparently. No no no. Plum needs a stack of raw onion in there too.
MMMmmmmm.
There’s just one teensy problem with this though. It’s a little known factoid that for some reason, I am hugely sensitive to raw onion, and get horrendous onion breath from just one nibble. honest. the diced bits in a Big Mac are enough to set my breath a-stinking.
Yesterday I did spoil myself with two enormous doorstops of cheese and onion. But of course the Head Honcho wasn’t home. He eyed me in a worried fashion when I told him last night about this lovely new sandwich I’ve discovered. Asked me if it was a real craving, in mildly concerned tones.
Lunchtime today and he appears behind me as I’m slicing the onion.
Doesn’t say a word – though he watches me enjoying every last crumbful a little too closely. Within ten minutes I noticed him wincing whenever I’m close.
I retire to the bathroom for a little brushing, scrubbing, gargling and the like.
Half an hour ago I re-eneterd the house, smelloing sweet and fresh as a daisy. But its returning. I can taste it.
What to do? Do I withhold the longing and stay clear of the onion, sticking to my usual and non-offensive tomato accompaniment? Or do I risk marital discord and chomp my way through half an onion a day?
Unless anyone knows a cure for onion breath of course.

just won't go away.

That feeling. Sore boobs. Soooo sore. Familiarly sore.

Odd feelings too.

But I had a massive period at the end of May. Scary big one. So no way i can be pregnant.

If only the boobs would settle down.

Scan dates.

Have a scan booked for Friday 30th June.

By my dates of the last bleed, I reckon I’m 5 weeks gone.

BUt the way I’m feeling suggests more 8 or 9 weeks… we shall see.

20 weeks scan

was today!

We discussed boys names all the way there. Carefully skirted the ’shall we/shan’t we ask the sex’ issue entirely.
Walking in, we decided to wait and see how we felt once in the room (big planners, you see. Weeks of agnosing, and we finally decide to leave it to a spur of the moment decision).
So.

Sonographer was lovely.
Had me turning this way and that so she could see all angles.
Finally decided, after much nodding and winking and prodding between us, to raise the issue of whether she could tell what colour.
And…
Plum…
Is…

Still purple!!!
Cos she was working through the depth of the placenta AND ‘a little extra padding’ as she put it, the picture was really murky and gloomy. She struggled to see all the points she needed to measure (all fine, btw, everything present and correct), and there was no way she could tell the colour.
So it was decided for us in the end.
So we’ll have to wait!

Boy is 5!

Middle Man’s birthday on 17th. Quite how he made it to five when I wasn’t looking I’m not sure, but there he is, lanky legs looking far too scarily long for my tricky toddler to be wearing them.

Had firends staying a party with a bouncy castle in the garden in the afternoon – the sun blessed us with an uinexpected visit which allowed the waterslide up for a while. Hedgehog cake was a hit, presents were a hit, party was a success…I felt very domestic and proud.

Nuchal Scan

Still expected to have the sonographer say ‘nooo, there’s been some mistake, there’s not really a baby here’.

But it was there, waving and kicking and being unco-operative. When she finally managed to get it to move so she could take the measurements, the risks of Downs etc are utterly minimal, so all well. Got a picture this time – will post when manage to get the new scanner working. Lovely, fuzzy warm feeling watching our baby move around. We’re having a BABY!!!!!!

Ugh

Feel sick.
Horribly.
Might have something to do with the FOUR Kipling bakewell tarts I’ve just polished off.
And don’t start, Baby plum NEEDED them, alright?

Baby plum

Had a film night with the older two boys, all piled on the sofa together. They began talking about the baby, and No.1 was concerned that we were calling it ‘it’.

‘its our baby, it should have anice name, not just ‘it’.

‘Okay, what? Fred? Mungo?’

Both boys laughed.

‘No’ continued No.1 ’something nice, but not for a boy or a girl, cos we don’t know what it is yet. How about… Plum?’ (we had been looking at baby books last week to find out how big our baby was, and it was the size of a plum, a fact that he obviously liked!).

‘Plum’s great, I like it! Baby Plum!’

‘Noooo!’ said Boy. ‘This is OUR baby, and its not going to be a plum, its going to be beautiful, and needs a beautiful name. Beautiful Sky.’ the 4 year old with the heart of a poet.

‘Sky is a little girly, poppet. How about Beautiful plum?’

Both boys consider it.

‘Yes’ they nod their agreemenet. ‘thats nice.’

So beautiful plum it is. And muchos kissing Plum gets from its big brothers, too.

Don't want to jinx it but...

Tea is back on the menu, Spots have miraculously stopped appearing, I sudeenly have enough energy to do the laundry… Have i turned a corner? Am starting to actually feel better!
Had first midwife appointment on Friday – she couldn’t hear the heartbeat, but heard the placenta, and two definite kicks.
She was a bit of a nightmare, kept not listening and disagreeing with my dates (then finally admitting i was right!), and saying i didn’t need al the pamphlet bumph on breastfeeding workshops and stuff – then handing them all to me two minutes later… But still, i now have my white folder of notes, and feel ‘officially’ pregnant!

Hassle booking me in for the nuchal scan – apparently I’m ‘too late’ at gone 13 weeks, as they have no free appointments for another couple of weeks. Costs them muchos squids ot send me to another hospital, and no one had the authority to nbook an out-of-hours appointment. The mw said she’ll call me on Monday.

14 weeks - Plum moves!

In the house alone (did a stupid thing, started watching ‘Most Haunted’. Am now hiding in the office with all the lights in the house on, after creeping round shutting all the downstairs windows. Will I ever learn?).
Anyhoo, sat on my stool, all hunched over… and…
I felt the baby wriggle!
Honest!

The sonographer said the placenta was forming at the front, like it did with Jolly, so am prepared for feeling very little movement till gone 20 weeks. But if i curl up so i squish the poor child up, I can definitely feel an indignant wriggle .
Ohh, the relief. Have had a couple of bad fretting days, you know, lots of ‘what-am-I-DOING’ moments.
But now I feel all cheesy again!

Bleurgh...

Is it bedtime yet???

I’m being pathetic and pitiful, actually. I haven’t even actually been sick. Just felt queasy and tired all day.
Don’t mind me – I’ve got no right to moan

I’m heading towards the end of the 13th week now… and I feel Crappety-crap today! I have a fine batch of spots on my chin, my hair is lank, my legs are filled with some kind of slow-moving heavy metal, I’m travel sick just sitting at my puter , Its too hot in the sun, but I’m chilly inside, I can’t drink tea, the smell of coffee today offends me…

The Scan

So, all boys in their respective school/nursery places, C and I trundled off to hospital in the MG. Gorgeous summers day, perfect for pootling the lanes.

Normal hospital visit nightmare with parking, but we managed to finally find a space and get in with 5 minutes to spare. Funny, the first time we went for a scan with Cam, we were clutching the letter, unsure where to go, nervously whispering like a pair of teenagers. This time we strolled straight in chatting about the summer holidays, not even conferring where we needed to go. Been here a few times before!

So we went in when called, and i hopped up on the bed. The sonographer asked a few questions, and we explained that whilst now happy with the pregnancy, we were unsure about dates. Going by the last bleed, we should be 5 weeks or so, but I was a little concerned that the bleed may well ahve been a missed miscarriage, and there would be no baby. At best, we were expecting to see a fuzzy baked bean shape, probably not even a heartbeat yet.

We stared anxiously at the screen, suddenly nervous, watching the fuzzy static that was apparently my insides.

A thick white line appeared, and the sonographer smiled ‘well, there’s definitely someone home’.

Relief flooded my face with a smile, too.

‘And there’s the heartbeat’

‘pardon?’ I excclaimed ‘there shouldn’t be a heartbeat yet, should there?’

‘no, but if I just do this…’ she swung the wand round to a different angle, and there it was. A baby. No fuzzy baked bean at all. Arms, legs, heart blinking away…

‘erm… I’m no expert but thats no 5 week old baby, is it?’

‘ha ha ha, no, not at all. I’m guessing nearer double that.’

I looked at C, and I guess his look mirrored my own – shocked amazement. How did that happen?

The soongrapher did her measuring thing, and then had a really good look round my uterus, as she was concerned by the heavy bleed I’d had. But all appeared find and dandy. The small one was measuring 10 weeks, 6 days, giving me a due date of 21st January. I’d only been pregnant 5 days, and I was nearly 3 months gone!!!

All felt decidedly unreal – I was still acclimatising to the fact of being pregnant again, being suddenly this far along was a bit to much to take in all at once.

My birthday!!!

29th June 2006 - I’m 32 years old. And pregnant with my fourth child!

I had a lie in bed while C got up with the boys. They brought me a pile of presents and cards, then he took them to school whilst i loafed in bed, and drank tea.

Managed to move to the patio in time for C’s return form the school/nursery run, and he made us some croissants and coffee. Once I’d filled myself with pastry, I made it to the lounger, where I spent the morning in the shade.. lounging.

We went out for a lovely pootle in the car, and stopped for lunch in an nice village pub. Then back ot the lounger for some more loafing and reading whilst C did the afternoon pick-ups.

Then we spent the evening in the cinema watching X-Men III.

so. we're pregnant. Again.

For 24 hours we panicked, to be honest. We have three beautiful boys, and I have finally adjusted to never being pregnant again. I never thought I could cope with more children in the house, but so loved being pregnant that saying goodbye to that part of my life was very hard.

But we’ve left the baby stage – Toby is 3½ now, he can put on his own shoes, wears no nappies, feeds himself.. life was starting to take a different, more adventurous turn.

Our house is big enough, we can pretty much afford a new baby… but our biggest fear was that fact that we have no time for the boys as it is with both businesses. And they would be the ones to suffer lack of my attention with a new baby in the house. And they have to be our first priority.

Plus, with my history of obstetric cholestasis, there is always a risk to the baby to consider, not to mention the amount of time the last trimester will take up with tests and hospital visits.

We saw the doctor to discuss all our options. He was sweet, kind, and gave us the number of a ‘pregnancy in crisis’ counselling centre. He also arranged for a quick scan to find out how far along we were.

It was about 20 minutes after we got home that C looked at me, grinned, and said ‘let's have it.’

How my heart expanded with love for my man at that moment! Until that instant, I didn’t know what to do. But as soon as he said it, I realised that there had never really been any question.

Besides, we have 3 already – whats one more, right?

27th June

We visited the GP. Heads were in a spin, to be honest. we were happy with our family. Three boys are enough for anyone, surely? We had made it out the other side of the baby stage, and were starting to plan some holidays and things. Starting to enjoy a measure of freedom again.
Yes, we have room. yes we have the finances. But time... we stretch ourselves so thin as it is. Two businesses, three boys, we simply don't have the TIME for a new baby. And if we keep it are we being selfish? What impact will that have on our time with our other boys? How will they feel when their already limited Mummy & Daddy time is swiped by a small one?

Well... Bugger.

26th June 2006
Well, see, I had this niggly feeling. It wouldn't go away, no matter how long i left it. My boobs hurt. I was soooooo tired. I had enough spots to rival any unwashed 15 yr old boy. I felt... different. But in an all-too-familiar way.

So. I finally trotted off to the chemist, and got me a couple of white sticks. It was 4.30 in the afternoon, the boys were home from school, C was catching up with them all in the lounge. So i thought I'd give it a go, just to put my mind at rest.
Wee.
Leave it for 3 minutes... wandered off, came back in 2.
Checked.
Two blue lines. TWO???
Bugger. Buggerbuggerbuggger.
Looks like we're hvaing a fourth baby after all then.

Two weeks later

And still the boobs hurt.

And now we have the added bonus of having gone off my morning tea. And so damn tired all the time. And the spots! I feel like I’m 15 again… only worse, because I never had spots when I was 15.

But I had a period 3 weeks ago, and I haven’t missed a pill, so I’m fine. I’m due on this weekend, that's all it is.

Bugger.

No period – even though i’ve waited 5 days for it.

Boobs still hurt.

Toothpaste foam is making me gag.

Off to the chemist later.