The Scan

So, all boys in their respective school/nursery places, C and I trundled off to hospital in the MG. Gorgeous summers day, perfect for pootling the lanes.

Normal hospital visit nightmare with parking, but we managed to finally find a space and get in with 5 minutes to spare. Funny, the first time we went for a scan with Cam, we were clutching the letter, unsure where to go, nervously whispering like a pair of teenagers. This time we strolled straight in chatting about the summer holidays, not even conferring where we needed to go. Been here a few times before!

So we went in when called, and i hopped up on the bed. The sonographer asked a few questions, and we explained that whilst now happy with the pregnancy, we were unsure about dates. Going by the last bleed, we should be 5 weeks or so, but I was a little concerned that the bleed may well ahve been a missed miscarriage, and there would be no baby. At best, we were expecting to see a fuzzy baked bean shape, probably not even a heartbeat yet.

We stared anxiously at the screen, suddenly nervous, watching the fuzzy static that was apparently my insides.

A thick white line appeared, and the sonographer smiled ‘well, there’s definitely someone home’.

Relief flooded my face with a smile, too.

‘And there’s the heartbeat’

‘pardon?’ I excclaimed ‘there shouldn’t be a heartbeat yet, should there?’

‘no, but if I just do this…’ she swung the wand round to a different angle, and there it was. A baby. No fuzzy baked bean at all. Arms, legs, heart blinking away…

‘erm… I’m no expert but thats no 5 week old baby, is it?’

‘ha ha ha, no, not at all. I’m guessing nearer double that.’

I looked at C, and I guess his look mirrored my own – shocked amazement. How did that happen?

The soongrapher did her measuring thing, and then had a really good look round my uterus, as she was concerned by the heavy bleed I’d had. But all appeared find and dandy. The small one was measuring 10 weeks, 6 days, giving me a due date of 21st January. I’d only been pregnant 5 days, and I was nearly 3 months gone!!!

All felt decidedly unreal – I was still acclimatising to the fact of being pregnant again, being suddenly this far along was a bit to much to take in all at once.

My birthday!!!

29th June 2006 - I’m 32 years old. And pregnant with my fourth child!

I had a lie in bed while C got up with the boys. They brought me a pile of presents and cards, then he took them to school whilst i loafed in bed, and drank tea.

Managed to move to the patio in time for C’s return form the school/nursery run, and he made us some croissants and coffee. Once I’d filled myself with pastry, I made it to the lounger, where I spent the morning in the shade.. lounging.

We went out for a lovely pootle in the car, and stopped for lunch in an nice village pub. Then back ot the lounger for some more loafing and reading whilst C did the afternoon pick-ups.

Then we spent the evening in the cinema watching X-Men III.

so. we're pregnant. Again.

For 24 hours we panicked, to be honest. We have three beautiful boys, and I have finally adjusted to never being pregnant again. I never thought I could cope with more children in the house, but so loved being pregnant that saying goodbye to that part of my life was very hard.

But we’ve left the baby stage – Toby is 3½ now, he can put on his own shoes, wears no nappies, feeds himself.. life was starting to take a different, more adventurous turn.

Our house is big enough, we can pretty much afford a new baby… but our biggest fear was that fact that we have no time for the boys as it is with both businesses. And they would be the ones to suffer lack of my attention with a new baby in the house. And they have to be our first priority.

Plus, with my history of obstetric cholestasis, there is always a risk to the baby to consider, not to mention the amount of time the last trimester will take up with tests and hospital visits.

We saw the doctor to discuss all our options. He was sweet, kind, and gave us the number of a ‘pregnancy in crisis’ counselling centre. He also arranged for a quick scan to find out how far along we were.

It was about 20 minutes after we got home that C looked at me, grinned, and said ‘let's have it.’

How my heart expanded with love for my man at that moment! Until that instant, I didn’t know what to do. But as soon as he said it, I realised that there had never really been any question.

Besides, we have 3 already – whats one more, right?

27th June

We visited the GP. Heads were in a spin, to be honest. we were happy with our family. Three boys are enough for anyone, surely? We had made it out the other side of the baby stage, and were starting to plan some holidays and things. Starting to enjoy a measure of freedom again.
Yes, we have room. yes we have the finances. But time... we stretch ourselves so thin as it is. Two businesses, three boys, we simply don't have the TIME for a new baby. And if we keep it are we being selfish? What impact will that have on our time with our other boys? How will they feel when their already limited Mummy & Daddy time is swiped by a small one?

Well... Bugger.

26th June 2006
Well, see, I had this niggly feeling. It wouldn't go away, no matter how long i left it. My boobs hurt. I was soooooo tired. I had enough spots to rival any unwashed 15 yr old boy. I felt... different. But in an all-too-familiar way.

So. I finally trotted off to the chemist, and got me a couple of white sticks. It was 4.30 in the afternoon, the boys were home from school, C was catching up with them all in the lounge. So i thought I'd give it a go, just to put my mind at rest.
Wee.
Leave it for 3 minutes... wandered off, came back in 2.
Checked.
Two blue lines. TWO???
Bugger. Buggerbuggerbuggger.
Looks like we're hvaing a fourth baby after all then.

Two weeks later

And still the boobs hurt.

And now we have the added bonus of having gone off my morning tea. And so damn tired all the time. And the spots! I feel like I’m 15 again… only worse, because I never had spots when I was 15.

But I had a period 3 weeks ago, and I haven’t missed a pill, so I’m fine. I’m due on this weekend, that's all it is.